Confessional Friday {Link up}: Embarrassing Moments

One of my favorite parts of the week is linking up with the lovely Leslie for Confessional Fridays! Today's topic is embarrassing moments, which is awesome. I have more than any normal person should, I think, but oh well...c'est la vie. 

And off we go...... 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I spilled a bloody mary all over my boyfriend’s mother’s white shorts the very first time I met her. In front of two of his brothers and their wives, who I was also meeting for the very first time. Apparently, I like to leave an impression. 

I tripped at work and fell flat on the floor so hard that the building shook, and people were coming from other floors to find out what happened and make sure everything was okay. I also knocked the wind out of myself so bad that I struggled to breathe for the rest of the day. And then everybody at work called me Grace. Because they thought it was funny. Jerks.

I hit on my doctor when I was a teenager.

I had a leeeeetttttlle bit too much to drink at my going away party before I moved to Vegas, and ended up knocking over a bunch of people’s beers, and spilling water (that I was supposed to drink, to help me sober up) all over the place. Thankfully none of it landed on me, though, so I was just drunk, instead of drunk and soaking wet. #SilverLining

I dated “C” for a year before I had the guts to actually break up with him, even though I knew it was a bad idea after about three weeks. What a cluster eff that was. *shaking head at my idiotic self*

I wore an awesome wrap that I had gotten in the Philippines as a skirt to church one day. I thought I had it pinned up properly, but apparently not so much, because when a gust of wind came up, I suddenly found myself wearing nothing south of the border but my icky granny-panty-laundry-day underwears. And of course my crush saw it. Figures.

I was so frustrated and stressed and exhausted that one time I cried outside a Starbucks for like, an hour. People kept stopping to make sure I was okay, and all I could do was blubber at them that I was fine, and appreciated their kindness in stopping, but really *gasp, cough, sniff, hiccup* “I’m fine.”

The father of one of my best friends saw me naked when I was ten.

I broke my wrist trying to show off a flip in the church parking lot in the middle of January. Not my proudest moment.

I once was working on a word search while on a family road trip, and forgot how to pronounce the word “calf”. I was completely confused, and made the mistake of asking my family what it was, while enunciating each sound. I still get crap about it, 18 years later, but at least that wasn’t as bad as my brother mispronouncing “faux pas” by saying “fox pass”. Ha.

What are your most embarrassing confessions?

How To Stand Out So Your Doctor Remembers You

Have you ever had a really embarrassing medical moment that actually had nothing whatsoever to do with what was actually wrong with you? Maybe something along the lines of being surprised by a ridiculously attractive doctor, and then subsequently making such a fool of yourself at the emergency room that said ridiculously attractive doctor actually remembered you for years after?

Well I have. And take it from me, people...  It. Is. Awful.

Let me take you back to my hometown in Wisconsin, circa early 1999, when I was 14. I was quite sick, as were the rest of my siblings. We had kind of dropped like flies, which was generally the case with us. When one of us got sick, the rest were not far behind. Which sucked, by the way, because in my house, the best part of being sick was being able to get the best spot in the corner of the couch, and watch Mary Poppins and The Sound of Music…when all six of us were sick, it got a lot more logistically complicated.

Anyway, so there I was, feeling all kinds of miserable, and trying to find some semblance of comfort in the big blue rocking chair. My chest was hurting, I was coughing uncontrollably, and I had a crazy fever, too, as I recall. My cough got to the point where my mother was concerned I might have pneumonia, so she bundled me up and  commissioned my dad to take me to the ER.

As soon as I got to the ER, they set about dressing me in one of those stupid gowns and getting some chest x-rays. After that, I was sent back to the room to wait for the doctor. I had what was probably the worst headache of my life up to that point, so I just laid there with my eyes closed, taking comfort in my dad’s quiet presence.

{via}

 When the doctor finally came in and started talking, the first thing that struck my teenage girl mind was that his voice was iiiinnnnncredible. Seriously, it was like melted chocolate. All deep, and smooth… *shiver*

So then, I opened my eyes to see Adonis. That's not even an exaggeration. This man was talk, dark, and handsome..the trifecta. And as if that wasn’t enough, he clearly worked out. **Side note: to this day, his nickname in my family is Dr. Biceps.**

Apparently, the symptoms I was experiencing were very similar to those of spinal meningitis, so after asking me a bunch of questions that I could barely answer through all the blushing and stuttering I was doing, he decided I needed a spinal tap.

{via}

**Side note #2: For those who haven’t had the pleasure of experiencing a spinal tap, it’s this really awesome procedure where they take a 20 gauge lumbar needle (aka a really long, thick needle) and remove spinal fluid from the very base of the spine. The patient is required to curl up as much as possible (effectively putting their rear end in the doctor’s face) for the duration of the procedure, and then remain completely still for 30 minutes thereafter.**

So as if getting to hear his chocolatey voice, and view his lovely biceps that could have rivaled my thighs for size wasn’t enough, I also got to shove my haven’t-showered-for-a-couple-of-days-because-I’ve-been-sick-and-haven’t-even-left-the-living-room-for-two-days behind in his face. 

Awesome.

Eventually, of course, I got over that silliness. Once I could move again, and had finished the IV bags of saline and antibiotics, and felt better enough to actually believe I might make it until morning, they gave me a couple prescriptions and sent me home.

You’d think that I would have just left well enough alone, since up to that point I hadn’t actually done anything humiliating, I had just endured some embarrassing and uncomfortable procedures, right? Yeah, not so much with this girl. 

My dumb butt happened to catch a glimpse of Dr. Biceps at the nurse’s station while I was being wheeled outside, and, because I either a.) really thought he wanted to know and didn’t have the information in front of him in my chart, or b.) just decided that he HAD to know so that he’d know how long he would have to wait for me, decided it would be a good idea to yell (loudly, in the hospital, at 2:30 in the morning) that “I’ll be 15 in July!!”

Seriously. SERIOUSLY? Yes. That happened.

And yes, he really does remember that moment. Quite a few years later, my dad hurt his hand and ended up in the ER for stitches, and of course Dr. Biceps was there. He even asked my mom how her crazy daughter was doing. *sigh* 

I suppose that’s one way to make an impression….