Oh Monday, you've struck again.
It's been a rough day, folks.
... a day filled with frustration with work.
... a day where I have felt as though I am completely lost.
... a day that was so frustrating, even the delicious Frappucino that my sister got me didn't fix it.
... a day that has exhausted me, and broken me down.
... a day that has me completely overwhelmed.
I want to do so many things, but I am struggling with figuring out exactly HOW to do them. I get excited about possibilities, and potential opportunities, and then the time comes to work on them, and I have no idea what I'm doing, so I get lost, and feel like a failure, and then I quit out of sheer frustration.
I have recently discovered that I am not great at independent learning. This has been a pretty difficult thing for me to admit, believe it or not. When I was growing up, as a homeschooled kid, pretty much all I did was independent learning. I read the lessons and answered the questions and took the tests and everything else all on my own. Sure, I could ask if I had a question, but one of the main goals my mother had in deciding to homeschool was to teach us how to learn independently.
Unfortunately, however, it seems as though I don't really learn well that way. I need to be shown something first. Once you show me something, I've usually got it. Sure, I may need the occasional reminder, but for the most part, once I see it, it's in there.
So what do I do when I don't have anyone to show me all the things I want to learn, or walk me through them the first time? I've looked up YouTube tutorials, and those can be helpful sometimes, certainly. But it's not always what I need.
I see other bloggers who have figured out design and PhotoShop or LightBox or whatever.. Bloggers who have mastered the art of transferring a Blogger blog to a Wordpress blog in the space of just a couple of hours.. And when I read through posts of theirs, it's evident that they are all self-taught. And then I feel like a complete idiot, because there's all these people who can design beautiful sites, and who understand HTML and CSS coding, and understand how to transfer back links and archives and stuff, and I'm just over here like, "Uhhhh guys, I did something, and I don't know what I did, but now my page is all broken, and it completely looks like a two year old took over, and I'm sorry, but can you help me?"
And everybody seems to have some kind of niche. They write about marriage, or design, or organization, or baking, or sports... And I don't know enough about anything to even begin to figure out what sort of niche I'm supposed to have. Sure, I'd love to blog about baking.. I would have a blast learning more about it, and trying out new recipes and writing about it. But then I'd have a bunch of baked goods sitting around my house........and I wouldn't want to eat them all, because uhhh, weight gain, so they'd end up just going to waste.
I just feel like an idiot. I feel like a loser who doesn't have any idea what she wants to do with her life, doesn't have anything even remotely resembling a "career", and lives in constant fear of all of her many, many faults and failings being discovered.
And today I just feel like that a lot.
I am linking up with Karly and Niki today because I had originally planned to do it anyway, so I'm still doing it, even though this post is a total downer. Sorry.