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Tuesday, March 4, 2014

Hellloooo, Monday (except now it's Tuesday)

I thought about posting this yesterday, and then I chickened out. And then I was encouraged two of my favorite ladies to post it anyway, so here you go...even though it's a day later than originally intended.

Oh Monday, you've struck again.

It's been a rough day, folks.
... a day filled with frustration with work.
... a day where I have felt as though I am completely lost.
... a day that was so frustrating, even the delicious Frappucino that my sister got me didn't fix it.
... a day that has exhausted me, and broken me down.
... a day that has me completely overwhelmed.

I want to do so many things, but I am struggling with figuring out exactly HOW to do them. I get excited about possibilities, and potential opportunities, and then the time comes to work on them, and I have no idea what I'm doing, so I get lost, and feel like a failure, and then I quit out of sheer frustration.

I have recently discovered that I am not great at independent learning. This has been a pretty difficult thing for me to admit, believe it or not. When I was growing up, as a homeschooled kid, pretty much all I did was independent learning. I read the lessons and answered the questions and took the tests and everything else all on my own. Sure, I could ask if I had a question, but one of the main goals my mother had in deciding to homeschool was to teach us how to learn independently.

Unfortunately, however, it seems as though I don't really learn well that way. I need to be shown something first. Once you show me something, I've usually got it. Sure, I may need the occasional reminder, but for the most part, once I see it, it's in there.

So what do I do when I don't have anyone to show me all the things I want to learn, or walk me through them the first time? I've looked up YouTube tutorials, and those can be helpful sometimes, certainly. But it's not always what I need.

I see other bloggers who have figured out design and PhotoShop or LightBox or whatever.. Bloggers who have mastered the art of transferring a Blogger blog to a Wordpress blog in the space of just a couple of hours.. And when I read through posts of theirs, it's evident that they are all self-taught. And then I feel like a complete idiot, because there's all these people who can design beautiful sites, and who understand HTML and CSS coding, and understand how to transfer back links and archives and stuff, and I'm just over here like, "Uhhhh guys, I did something, and I don't know what I did, but now my page is all broken, and it completely looks like a two year old took over, and I'm sorry, but can you help me?"

And everybody seems to have some kind of niche. They write about marriage, or design, or organization, or baking, or sports... And I don't know enough about anything to even begin to figure out what sort of niche I'm supposed to have. Sure, I'd love to blog about baking.. I would have a blast learning more about it, and trying out new recipes and writing about it. But then I'd have a bunch of baked goods sitting around my house........and I wouldn't want to eat them all, because uhhh, weight gain, so they'd end up just going to waste.

I just feel like an idiot. I feel like a loser who doesn't have any idea what she wants to do with her life, doesn't have anything even remotely resembling a "career", and lives in constant fear of all of her many, many faults and failings being discovered.

And today I just feel like that a lot.

I am linking up with Karly and Niki today because I had originally planned to do it anyway, so I'm still doing it, even though this post is a total downer. Sorry.
Glossy Blonde

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  1. Proud of you for being SO BRAVE to post this. It's hard to admit to anyone what you don't like about yourself, let alone on a public forum. Love you!

  2. I refuse to go to wordpress. I did at one time and i hated it. you can't do all you can do on blog and as much as i want to learn i havent found that one person who will help teach me. some folks ask me things which makes me feel good

    Would love for you to come join me at my hop http://hotpinkowl02.blogspot.com/2014/03/blog-hop-2014.html

  3. one thing i've realized is that if there are things that you don't care for/about, then you won't dedicate the brain power to learning about it. i love technology and all things geeky; i'm a self-taught photoshopper and can do my own designs but that's because i LOVE THAT SHIT. talk to me about my investment portfolio or RRSPs or any of that jazz? not interested and i've hired someone to manage that for me so don't need to know about any of it. my FA always tries to teach me how to watch the stock markets etc but i just don't get it because i don't care for it. so if you aren't interested in HTML or CSS, then you won't care to learn it and it won't stick. and that's ok!!

    also, your blog is your space to write whatever. i don't have a niche either - i just write whatever funny pops into my head. or at least what i think is funny. whether or not people agree with me is irrelevant because it's my blog and i write what i want!!

    Vodka and Soda

  4. It's okay to not have a niche-I write just about everything!

  5. Hey....why in the world do you want to do anything like anyone else. Do your thing and don't worry about anything else! I have no niche I'm random as hell and I love it. Go on with your bad self chicken!

  6. Way to be honest and brave! I totally get where you are coming from, I am a blogging virgin compared to you! I just started my blog in January of this year and every day I struggle with what to write about and if I am going to gain followers over the months, does my blog look crappy etc etc? I stumbled upon your blog via fitness blondie, and I am glad I did! Just keep pushing forward, you can accomplish anything you put your mind to!

    see ADRIENNE run

  7. Girl you aren't an idiot at all! Sometimes I feel like some bloggers out there who seem like they have everything put together and the perfect life...really might not. We all have those "omg what am I doing with my life?" days and you'll rock through this hard time because you're awesome :). I know I don't know you but it takes a lot of hooo-haas to write and post what you did and I commend you for that. I'm so glad I found your blog through Fitness Blondie! :)

  8. :) This makes me smile. I love brave, honest posts. Make you more human and alive and special! And we all love you for who you are anyway- screw the ones that don't!

  9. Don't worry about a niche. Write about what you want to write about. I do a recipe a week but I bring it in to work after I taste test since I don't want all that food in the house. Or you can take it to a local homeless shelter, or woman's shelter. Some bloggers have blogged for years and still don't know HTML or CSS. Just be you.


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