Big fat confession: I'm annoyed. Like, all kinds of annoyed, at all kinds of everything. Like, it's one of those weeks where I spend most of the time contemplating all the reasons that stabbing myself in the ear with a pencil is probably a really bad idea, and that faking a nervous breakdown just to get out of you know, having to pretend like I can handle life for a little bit probably won't turn out the way my brain wants it to.
And I know that it's really not all that bad, like at all (first world problems all the way over here), and I know that Shark Week is making it seem a lot worse even than the not at all bad that it is. So I am trying to keep it all in perspective. And perspective kind of smacked me in the face tonight, I tell you what.
This week, I have been completely teetering on the brink of tears like the whole time. And then tonight, when I was getting my nails done, which I did because I was feeling blue and wanted to just pamper myself a little bit and do something I love, I was totally annoyed because the woman straight up WOULD NOT listen to what I was telling her. She wouldn't cut my nails short enough, she refused to make the French tips thinner like I asked her like, eleventy three times, and I mean, nobody wants to be the one who is making a big fat scene about nails amiright? So long story short, I got my nails done so I could feel better about today, and now I hate it, and all it did was put me in a bad mood again. So that's annoying.
And anyway, so then I was there, and I was just annoyed, and then I saw a mom come in with her teenage girl to get a mani/pedi with her and I basically just fell apart, because it just looks like such a fun thing to do with your mom when you're a kid, and it just wasn't something I ever got to do, and my relationship with my mom is kind of complicated anyway.......and I'm shutting up as far as that's concerned now, but suffice to say that the whole pampering-to-relax-and-feel-better thing pretty much had the exact opposite of its intended effect.
And then on the way home, when I was busy trying to feel sorry for myself because my total luxury that I am just beyond blessed to even be able to whine about didn't turn out the way I wanted to, I started thinking about how much of a brat I was being. Because I mean, let's be real here: my life, though not what I had imagined for right now, and not quite what I would consider "ideal", is still pretty damn good. So I need to get my shit together, and make sure I am being grateful for the things I do have, even though they may not be all the things I want to have, instead of behaving like a spoiled child.