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Friday, December 27, 2013

How do you know?

I am miserable. Right at this particular moment, I've got a steaming cup of tea on one side, and like eleventy six used tissues (okay, toilet paper squares - I'm too cheap to buy real tissue at the moment) on the other. And also some wild berry skittles, because obviously. For the last couple of days, aka the actual Christmas days and then yesterday, I have been rocking one hell of a chest cold. My voice has been MIA, and my chest has been feeling like it's literally on fire. I did cough up a bunch of real nice gross stuff this morning though, and I think that means I've turned the corner. Sorry, was that too much?? #oversharedontcare

Anyway, so last night before I drugged myself with Zquill (p.s. has anyone else ever used that stuff? IT WORKS.) so I could actually sleep, I was watching the movie "How Do You Know". Anyone seen it? It's pretty cute.

Anyway, I think there are a lot of good questions that Reese's (yeah, I can call her Reese, because she's basically like, my BFF) character asks. It's actually a pretty incredible movie, as far as that's concerned, because it brings up a lot of stuff that I think everyone wonders, but most people are too afraid to talk about. Like, how do you know when you're really in love? When do you trust your gut? What do you do if your gut is telling you one thing, but your head is telling you something else? And by extension, what do you do when your gut tells you one thing, and then the next day it turns around and tells you something else? Which day do you trust? 

These are questions that I've been going over in my head lately. Not the "how do you know when you're really in love" one, because that one I know I've got down, but the rest of it. Like with school...one day, my gut leans towards finishing a degree in psychology, but the next it's all about HR. In a relationship - any kind of relationship, be it familial, romantic, or platonic - how much effort do you put in? How much of the burden lies on you, and how much on the other party? Obviously in an ideal world, it would be a complete 50/50, and everyone would live up to that...but we all know that doesn't happen. I know that I'm really guilty of this. I will sometimes get lazy, and contribute just the bare minimum to my relationships. "I'll text them back instead of calling, because then they can't act like I ignored them, but then I don't have to turn off whatever show I'm watching/music I'm listening to or stop whatever I'm doing to call them..And then BONUS, I don't have to talk on the phone." LAME.

How much do you put up with when a friend/lover/family member is hurting you? How far does love go? Does unconditional love mean letting people do whatever they want, because well, you love them unconditionally? Does it ever mean loving someone, and knowing that you will always love them, but still cutting them out of your life because for whatever reason, they are treating you in a lesser manner than you deserve? 

When I think about it in relation to my own life, I am constantly reminded of how much grace has been extended to me. From Jesus, first of all, who really does love me unconditionally, no matter how messed up I am, no matter how many times I slap Him in the face. From my family, especially my dad who is pretty much the only member of my family who constantly sees me at my worst, and is always the lucky winner poor soul who gets the call when I am feeling sorry for myself and just want to whine about everything. From friends, from Boyfriend, from coworkers...the list goes on and on. I have constantly been on the receiving end of grace and forgiveness, and of love that doesn't go away even after I mess up and hurt somebody. 

But where is the line? I sincerely hope that I have never hurt someone to the point where they have felt that I have reached their limit of tolerance, and that they are much better off without me in their lives, but it is always possible. I have lost contact with a lot of friends over the years....some of them, people I never thought I'd go a day without speaking to. Is that just a result of the ebb and flow of life, or is it because of something I did? 

This quote pretty much sums up all that I really do know: Lisa: When you're in something you got to give it everything you have or else what are you doing?

I don't know these answers...and I don't know if I ever will. But I am interested in everyone's opinions on the topic. I like to pretend that I know everything, but in the grand scheme of things, I'm pretty much dumb as a box of rocks, so I'd love to know what others think. 

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1 comment:

  1. Seems like a good movie that I would be interested in watching.I have these same feelings all the time in regards to relationships. I used to have them a lot before, during, and after college about what I wanted to do with me life. I think no matter what stage you are in your life you always have these questions. Even if you think you already have the answers. Btw.. I don't remember if I told you but I am going to do a mini feature on you on my blog sometime next week not sure. Probably Tuesday!


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