If you've ever watched the show "Sex and the City", you know that it's about four single girls, living the single life in Manhattan, and making it look totally and completely affordable and glamorous. In reality, it's probably not either of those things. But either way, they make that sh*t look gooooood.
So anyway, in one episode, Carrie and the girls are discussing what Carrie referred to as "SSB", or Secret Single Behavior - i.e. stuff that we do when we're alone that we don't want anyone else to see. Her particular vice is eating saltine crackers covered in grape jelly while standing up in the kitchen reading fashion magazines. Miranda, ever the analytical one, wonders why she chooses grape jelly, but of course Carrie can't explain...."It just feels so good!"
After reading Juliette's list, I got to thinking about my own SSBs. And even though I won't let any of you come and share my activities with me, I will let you in on the secrets. Or at least a few of them, anyway.
1 // I like to sit backwards on the couch and watch TV upside down. I don't do it all the time, but sometimes it just feels really good. But it looks crazy, so I only do it when I'm alone.
2 // I will check my eyebrows incessantly. Chances are, if I went into a salon to get a wax, they'd recoil in horror at how overly-and-terribly-plucked they are. But doing that would ruin all my fun of constantly playing with sharp tweezers near my eyes, and we can't have that, now, can we?
3 // I will binge watch reality television. Jersey Shore? I freaking loathe that show, but if I happen across it while I'm just sitting there doing nothing (or watching upside down), I'll probably watch it. And yes, I am aware that Jersey Shore is basically a documentary on everything that is wrong with America, but sometimes I just can't help myself. And/or I don't want to. And yes, I know I deserve to be judged for this one.
4 // I stretch. Now, I have been known to also stretch when Boyfriend is around...But I kind of prefer not to, since I am about as ungraceful as they come. When normal people stretch, they look all cute and put together and graceful. When I try it, I tend to look like a camel on an ice rink. Only I'm totally not flexible, so it just looks sad and pathetic.
5 // I listen to terrible music and have dance parties with myself. Macarena? Yep. Electric Slide? ALL OVER IT. Cupid Shuffle. That just happened.
6 // I spend ridiculous amounts of time perusing Pinterest and Twitter. I don't know why. I just do.
7 // I have pretend conversations with other people, out loud, even though I'm alone. This is something I've done my whole life, actually.. It helps me process when I think out loud, or imagine conversations happening and speak out loud the ways I would respond to the weird conversations occurring in my head.
8 // I slather vaseline all over my lips and just wait for it to be absorbed, instead of wiping it off the skin around my mouth so it just looks like lip gloss. I usually end up looking like a 3 year old who got into Mommy's makeup, but I don't even care.